most people definitely will say “no” or even laugh when they’re asked whether they believe in the notation “first love never dies”.
but it happened to me once. and, of course, it broke my heart. i don’t know how many centuries had been through to heal that wound. i don’t even remember when the pain lost and the feeling gone. it just left me with a scary thought that i’ve already frozen inside.
after his marriage, i’ve no longer heard anything ‘bout him (indeed, i try not to and don’t want to). for me, he is a past, even though i should struggle to make him a past, to cure myself by doing many interesting things on my own (which, in turn, evoked lots of questions of my solitude, for example, “who is santi’s bf now?”; and usually responded by me or people who know me well by a typical answer, too: “well, that’s complicated, dude”)
overtime, through trials and errors of another short and un-in-depth crushes and hear brokens, hehehe.
and largest credit should be awarded to few beloved friends of mine thus i can face and continue my life journey colorfully. they say i deserved to be happy, too.
briefly, i loved him, he loves her.
i stand on my ground and proudly say that “i’m ok, now”
but, only by a little coincident moment, it ruined me. in an unexpected event, i saw him, accompanied by his spouse and their several-months-years-old daughter. they all laughed and smiled happily, surrounded by the big familiy that were also happy for them, included me! although i felt, just like sting said in one of his song: “i’m an alien, i’m a little alien”. i didn’t know exactly what i felt that moment. the worst one, i could only give my stupid-and-tolerant smile (means that i couldn’t express my sorrow or anger!).
but why i should be sad or angry, anyway?
honestly, the incident wasn’t hurt at all. rather, it just shocked me, slapped me right on my face, stabbed me deep. i was hit by the fact that he’s happy …
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