have you ever felt being compared to, of course, with someone else totally better than you? in fact, we all know that we’re all born uniquely different from each others. that makes you feel the angry monster inside yourself doesn’t agree, and, in turn, we act on the opposite thing. indeed, the worse one. naturally, we don’t want to be as goods as the one we’ve compared to. we’ll act conversely reversed. we do protest in behaving in the contrary way. the childish defense. thus, we’ve been gradually judged that we aren’t good, selfish, “don’t care anything” and other bad prototypes given to us. lead us to feel that what’ve you done seemingly always not good enough? useless, even though you’ve tried the best to accomplished it? no matter lots of endless efforts you’ve done (to prove yourself or to do what you’ve expected to do), at last, they won’t be worth? valueless. all we’ve done its nothing. we’ve been judged with all our badness, our evilness. making it worse. no turning back. well, it’s truly painful. you’re getting to consider yourself extremely dumb, worthless, incapable, unnoticed, paralyzed, abandoned, and even frozen. desperately struggled to get attention or even affection from those we loved so much, but get stroke by the reality that it is hopeless. make us feel the hate of our beloved sunk deep within while we do know we do love them so much, instead. feel no place to belong to, no grip to be grasped to, no shoulder to rely on to, no one to talk to, no companions walk beside to share our laughter and wail. no true friends since i’m not a good fellow myself. in the end, find ourselves definitely alone…shuffling forward in the mist of vague past, present and future chain. building up, inside of me. a place so dark, so cold, i had to set me free…
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